U P D A T E S
1
March 1997 -- October 2001

Additions - Changes - Latest Information

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9 March 1997

  • Three new sections were added to this site: "Maledicta Links," "Polyglot Exclamations" and this "Updates." The first is restricted to international web sites featuring maledicta-related materials -- glossaries, studies and listings of insults, curses, and the like -- and this page that will keep you abreast of changes and additions on the entire web site, so that you don't have to leaf through all pages to find new material. In "Polyglot Exclamations" I have started an accurate and scholarly multilingual collection of three common utterances, Kiss my ass!, Shut up! and You asshole! You are encouraged to add material in any language and dialect.

  • Updates, revisions and additions in "Polyglot Exclamations," "Maledicta Links" and "Quickies" will not be shown on this "Updates" page, as it is assumed that anyone interested in these specific topics will bookmark the pages or return to them and check for new material and updates marked in red.

  • "Quickies" are now a separate section.

  • The home page was restructured by arranging the 12 sections (boxes) horizontally, to provide an easier overview of the contents of the entire site.

  • Following the Legal Scumbags page is a new page under construction, The Electronic Pillory, where I'll rip into and expose various bastards and bitches who have made my life miserable or who are despicable scum. The individuals verbally flagellated there are not despicable lawyers, judges or journalists, for whom I have separate pages.

  • Several new interviews and news stories about Maledicta were added to the Maledicta News page. The latest addition is always the topmost.

  • Typesetting and formatting Maledicta 13 needs my attention now -- as the new book is my only source of income -- so I have decided not to add new material to "Quickies" every Sunday but whenever I can. Besides -- to be frank, mes amis -- why should I bust my ass finding new material, editing it, formatting it neatly, and putting it in "Quickies" when only five viewers out of more than 5,800 visitors (not counting the Irish mirror site) have ordered the Maledicta Monitor, Maledicta or other books? Why should I bust my eyeballs until 4 or 6 a.m. to entertain people who are too bloody cheap to spend a few bucks on my publications to keep this site, Maledicta and me going? Right? Right. Fuck 'em.

  • I updated my comments about the "You eat like a pig!" site in "Maledicta Links," ripped into ignorant professors, and added a few jokes in "Quickies 4."


11 March 1997
  • In my attempts to present a well-organized site, I have shifted all the "Gripes," personal or otherwise, from the "Quickies" pages to the "The Electronic Pillory" section, where they logically belong. This way there'll be only fun in "Quickies" and no disturbing, personal, heavy stuff that might get some of you depressed or upset.

  • As time permits, I will add book reviews of new works by our Maledicta members and other books dealing with maledicta-related topics.

  • A few days ago, I sent a short questionnaire about this site and viewers' browsing preferences to 95 friends and acquaintances. I'll summarize the results here. As usual, de gustibus non est disputandum.

  • You may have noticed that I use few italics, as they look awful. For this reason, I prefer boldface for emphasis.

  • The latest interview with Uncle Mal was just posted on the Net.


31 March 1997
  • Added a cute button on the Ideal Woman Page.

  • Added new jokes and much new material about the "Heaven's Gate" suicides of last week in Quickies 4.


4 April 1997
  • Added more material about the "Heaven's Gate" suicides in Quickies 4.


8 April 1997


12 April 1997
  • Started Quickies 5 with "The Lord's Prayer" in Ebonics.

  • Added a few new riddles about the cult suicides in Quickies 4 .

  • For the best viewing of these (and all) web pages, I recommend that you set your Netscape Navigator or Internet Explorer to the "Times New Roman" font. This TrueType serif font looks good at any size and is available free from (boo!) Microsoft for IBM-compatible and Macintosh computers.

  • I am very pleased to report that my Hillary Clinton's Pen Pal book -- a prison primer preparing Ms. Rodham for her well-deserved incarceration -- is featured among the first entries on the "All About Hillary Clinton" web site. While most linked sites are supportive and flattering ("I Love Hillary" fan clubs) or promote her propaganda speeches and the book she didn't write, several links document her misdeeds, perjuries committed by her (legal) staff, and other transgressions by that despicable liar married to a repulsive liar.


20 April 1997

  • I have added the complete text of my "J'accuse: An Open Letter to Janet Reno" article from Maledicta 11. This long article ("J'accuse!") is about 75 k. Of course, such a long piece is easier to read in an elegantly typeset book, but if you have no money to buy the volume, go ahead and bust your eyeballs reading the screen version. This article is copyrighted 1995, but you are welcome to disseminate it widely, provided you indicate the source. The Internet is ideal to spread such information worldwide and to show how morally corrupt our legal system is.

  • I have added a few jokes in Quickies 5.

  • On the Home Page (index), all individual subsections are now linked and accessible by clicking, instead of having to go first to the main section. Also, I deleted the beige-colored Home Page because only two viewers didn't like my elegant black one.

  • Our Polyglot Exclamations page will be revised. First, I'll add another common exclamation ("Oh, shit!"); and second, I'll provide situations or scenarios most likely to cause the four types of exclamations. Then I'll e-mail a short questionnaire with instructions to all who know other languages and invite all other readers to request the questionnaire by e-mail. The feedback so far has been lousy, guys! -- One situation may be as follows: You are carrying a bowl filled with spaghetti sauce. Suddenly you trip and spill the red sauce on a white carpet. What angry exclamation would you utter that is comparable to "Oh, shit!"? -- Years ago, I was ready to strangle some of the informants who did not fill out another questionnaire for such reasons as: "I don't have a white carpet" or "I don't eat spaghetti." Jesus! "Pretend, you dumb son-of-a-bitch! Use your imagination!" I wrote back. God, what a way to make no living!


11 May 1997
  • The Polyglot Exclamations page is still under heavy construction. I will add two more common exclamations (Goddamn it! and Jesus Christ!) in my quest to collect material for a study of a multi-language and multi-religion Blasphemology. After the revision of this section is done, I'll e-mail questionnaires to informants.

  • In Quickies 3, I've added many new examples to "Hooked on Ebonics."

  • Three recent contributions were added to the "Heaven's Gate" section, as well as individual riddles, in Quickies 4.

  • On the Great Journalists page and on the Uncle Mal's Ideal Woman page, I've added neat pulsating hearts. Also, on the latter page, I've added a new section called "Reactions," where viewers' mail about the "Ideal Woman" is published, followed by my more or less witty comments.

  • I've added Janet Reno to my unfinished list of Legal Scumbags.

  • Today being Mother's Day, I thought it was appropriate to annoy uptight females with anti-women jokes and riddles in Quickies 5. Next time, a good feminist (as contrasted with man-hating bitches) will function as a guest editor and counter the anti-women material with anti-men riddles and women's humor she says are lacking in these pages. -- Also, on the same page, I've added other riddles to annoy various groups and once again ripped into cowardly, castrating, gutless newspaper editors who are afraid of printing the word "chickenshit." Finally, there's a short note about Mike Royko's death and a kick in the ass for one of his illiterate columnist colleagues in Chicago.

  • Suggestions: Why not bookmark this "Updates" page, so that you'll always be abreast of and au courant about the frequent changes and additons? Also, a look at the Home Page (section 11) will tell you the date when new material was added to this ever-growing site. -- I do hope you have set your browser to underline links, otherwise you'll miss a lot.


17 May 1997
  • Added a large section to Uncle Mal's Ideal Woman.

  • Browser Language and Font Settings: In order to see all the umlauts, accents, other diacritical marks, and special characters used mainly in other languages (e.g., é, ì, ô, ü, ç, ß, ñ, æ, ø), your browser has to be set correctly.
       If you are using Netscape Navigator, go to Options, then General Preferences, then Font, and choose "Western" in the "For the Encoding" section. This will also influence your e-mail, and you'll see all the correct characters, instead of squares and other unusual symbols.
       If you are using Internet Explorer, go to Preferences, then Language or Fonts (depending on the version used), and choose "Western" or "Latin 1" (depending on the version).
       As mentioned above on April 12, for the best viewing of text on any web site in any size and style (italics, bold), set your browser's proportional font to the serif "Times New Roman." The sans-serif, Helvetica-like "Arial" in 12-point also looks good. For fixed-width font, I use "Verdana" (also free from Microsoft, above), because it's a broad, rectangular, easy-to-read font for web site headlines and for "Netscape" e-mail. For printing web pages, I use 12-point size; for viewing, I switch to 14-point.
       I know, I know -- it's all a matter of personal taste; but after 20 years of studying typography and working with fonts, I have learned which typefaces and fonts look good on paper and on the screen and are easy on your eyes.


1 June 1997
  • More queries and comments added to the Ideal Woman page.

  • In Quickies 5, added reactions to the anti-women riddles presented on Mother's Day; also new anti-men riddles with analyses; various items about hateful women and angry Negroes, as well as new riddles.

  • Added 20 new Maledicta Links to web sites dealing with synonyms for masturbating, slang, and abusive or offensive language in English and other tongues. I also created the "Maledicta Seal of Approval" award for fine maledicta-related sites.

  • There won't be any updates for a while. I must finish Maledicta 13, which is my only source of income. This Maledicta web site -- the product of hard work by Big Dave and me, with continual additions and improvements over the past six months -- has resulted in fewer than 20 orders. So, mes amis, for the time being, screw the Web!


12 June 1997
  • Added to the Maledicta Links page information about getting the HyperGlot program from me, as well as links to more synonyms for "masturbation" and to a tremendous site about Dutch cursing.

  • Added new material to the Polyglot Exclamations page.

  • Added in the "News - Reviews - Interviews" section the link to another wonderful Dutch article about Maledicta 11 and 12 by Marc Schoorl in De Groene Amsterdammer. -- If you can read the intelligent articles about Maledicta by Dutch, German, Italian and Swiss journalists, you can understand why I'm disgusted with the majority of our brainless American "journalists" who work for top newspapers and magazines but are too shallow or too stupid to comprehend what Maledicta and Hillary Clinton's Pen Pal are about. These European journalists are true intellectuals who understand the value and wit of Maledicta, unlike the superficial scribblers at, say, TIME Magazine, Newsweek, the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune, Los Angeles Times, and Toronto Globe and Mail, not to mention the birdbrains who write for provincial rags like the Milwaukee Urinal or the San Francisco Comical.


4 July 1997
  • Started Quickies 6 with jokes and riddles, a link to cartoonist John Callahan.

  • I had to postpone publication of Maledicta 13 until December. Price increase -- the first since 1979 -- from $12.50 to $15.00 on orders received after September 15 (see Price List). Save a few bucks and subscribe now!

  • Updated two items in the Maledicta Links section and added a link to the Santessons' newest collection, Cursing in Afrikaans.

  • In addition to my personal tribute, there is an official web page for "Forgotten Felines of Sonoma County" with a link to "Bringing Home a New Kitty."

  • In Legal Scumbags, I added the text of Federal Chief Judge Joe Pee Scatmüller's latest denial of releasing me early from his humiliating probation. And to celebrate today my fourth anniversary of being a Convicted Felon (heh-heh), I'm engaging again in a pissing contest with legal skunks.


8 July 1997
  • Added in Quickies 6 several excerpts from an ongoing war of words among the friends and foes of Kathie Lee Gifford. Raw verbal aggression at its best!

  • Also posted "The Five Toughest Questions Women Ask Men," a witty and oh-so-true account of why men are forced to lie to women.


14 July 1997
  • Added new stuff in Quickies 6.

  • Exactly four years ago, on Bastille Day, a jury of twelve Milwaukee imbeciles found me guilty of mailing threats, even though three-quarters of those assholes were not smart enough to find the word "threat" in a dictionary. To celebrate this anniversary, I've gloatingly added recent news about drunk, lying, speeding, and masturbating judges in "Time Wounds All Heels" at the end of Legal Scumbags.


21 July 1997
  • Added more material in Quickies 6, including rants against several contemptible liars.


25 July 1997
  • Shifted Gianni Versace riddles and my rant against witless joke tellers to the new Quickies 7 and reproduced one of the Letters to the Editor I love to get.


28 August 1997
  • Added a Sneak Preview of Liesbeth Koenen's Dutch book on language and the human brain, together with our interview in Dutch. Whip out your woordenboek and start reading!


21 September 1997
  • Occasionally, new jokes, riddles and quips will be added without notice at the end of Quickies 7.

  • Added more Lying Swine to my list in Quickies 6: Al Gore, Susan Thomases, Hazel O'Leary, Mike McCurry and Bob Bennett.

  • Please subscribe now to Maledicta 13 (July 1998): $15.00 plus shipping (to USA addresses = $2.00, to all other countries = $2.50 for surface mail). Write for exact overseas airmail rates.

  • Among other articles, Maledicta 13 features Finnish swearwords and euphemisms, Latin insults by a Benedictine monk, Bulgarian insults, Spanish pendejo proverbs, sexual vocabulary of Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin, Theodore Dreiser's horny women, drug slang of American college students, nicknames used by San Francisco homosexuals, and abusive terms for women at an Australian military academy.

  • If you like the kind of material featured in "Quickies," why not order the complete set of the Maledicta Monitor newsletter? I have cut the price for the whole set (8 issues) to $5.00, plus postage. Find the Order Form here.

  • The shocking deaths of Princess Diana and Dodi al-Fayed are triggering riddles and jokes of such ferocity as not seen since the "Challenger" explosion. See Quickies 7. Some 40 new riddles about Di, Dodi, and Mother Teresa have been created. They will be published in Maledicta 13.


1 October 1997
  • Liar Marv Albert pleads guilty. See details and a few jokes in "Lying Swine" in Quickies 6, where you'll also find a startling report about Albert's and Bill Clinton's identical activities: biting women and wearing women's underwear.

  • After hearing of Marv Albert's dressing habits, U.S. Attorney Genital Janet Reno has also begun wearing women's panties....


25 October 1997
  • How fitting that President Clinton, that crooked prick, has a crooked dick. The Washington Times reported on 15 Oct 1997 that Bubba's "distinguishing characteristic" Paula Jones observed while he asked her for a blowjob is a distinctly bent erect penis caused by trauma and Peyronie's disease. Shock jock Imus reported several days earlier that Clinton can face north and piss west. "In terms of size, shape, direction, whatever the devious mind wants to concoct, the president is a normal man," Robert S. Bennett, the president's $475-an-hour lead scumbag shyster keeps lying.

  • On 12 Oct 1997, John Deutschendorfer a.k.a. John Denver died when his airplane crashed into Monterey Bay. One joke (all others will be in Maledicta 13):

    What did Elton John say when he heard of John Denver's plane crash?
    -- "Oh, damn! Now I'll have to write another song for a dead blond!"

  • Million Woman March Draws Thousands
    Headline, Associated Press, 25 Oct 1997.


24 November 1997
  • At the bottom of "What Reviewers are Saying," added a listing of most of the public, research and university libraries that subscribe to Maledicta.

  • Will soon add new slang sites on the "Maledicta Links" page.

  • Did you hear what Slick Willie gave to the mother of the Iowa septuplets?
    -- He awarded her the Distinguished Cervix Medal. (Thanks, Janice)

  • Why were prisoners upset when they heard that Marv Albert wouldn't be doing time?
    -- Because Marv would have been the ideal cell mate: wearing women's panties and able to talk sports!


6 December 1997
  • Started Quickies 8 and added ten new slang sites with links to more than 100 additional slang web sites in the Maledicta Links section.


1 March 1998
  • Added Michael Kennedy jokes in Quickies 8. The Clinton Oralgate and Lewinsky jokes will be in MAL 13.

  • Added juicy information in Quickies 8 about our Perjurious Philanderer-in-Chief, Bill "Blow Me" Clinton.


20 November 1998


22 July 1999



22 March 2000


7 April 2000


15 April 2000


8 July 2000
  • Thanks to yet another (non-legal) upheaval in my life, the publication of Maledicta 13 has been delayed for another six months. I'm aiming for a publication date of December 2000.

  • If you don't have the complete set of the Maledicta Monitor newsletter, now is the best time to order the timeless eight-issue set, as long as supplies last. Original price was $16.00. Now available for only $5.00 plus shipping: USA and Canada (First Class Mail) = $1.00 -- Europe, Central and South America (Air Mail) = $2.00 -- Africa, Asia, Australia, New Zealand (Air Mail) = $3.00. -- Come and get it! Don't be so cheap!


15 September 2000
  • Updated and added material (British rip-off by a smart-ass) to The Electronic Pillory.

  • This may be the last update until Maledicta 13 is published in December 2000, fate willing. The shit keeps hitting the fan -- what can I do?


4 November 2000
  • I have revised, standardized and prettified this entire site. The beige background, which looked very pleasant at 256 colors, looked crappy at "millions of colors," as I found out three years too late. Thus, all but the pink "Ideal Woman" and "Forgotten Felines" pages are now white. The text color was changed to maroon, which is easier on the eye than black.

  • Because of the different ways Web pages are displayed by various browsers, I have changed all pages to a consistent format, showing all pages in a box 500 pixels wide (7" or 18 cm).

  • About a dozen pages linked to outside URLs are now also archived at this site and reformatted to the new width. These are mainly on the "News - Reviews - Interviews" page. Some of the original pages are poorly designed by newspapers, who use 19- and 21-inch monitors and show no concern for those viewers whose monitors are 12" to 15" and have to scroll back and forth to be able to read the material.

  • Finally, I have archived the five reviews and articles about Maledicta by the Dutch journalist Ed Schilders, whose work appeared in De Volkskrant, with a link back to the Dutch site.


24 December 2000
  • The number 13 is indeed an unlucky number for me. The publication of Maledicta 13 has been delayed one more time, for the last time, to July 2001 or later. Not enough subscribers, not enough money....

  • I have added three seasonal images on the XXX-Mas Pix page.

  • Happy Holidays and all that ho-ho-ho stuff, and Best Wishes for the New Year.


21 January 2001
  • Just when I thought that there was no feces left to hit the fan, fate flung more dung: I'll have to move within two months, because my wonderful landlady died. $#it! I'll try to find something around here, fickle fate willing.

  • If this local Sonic site doesn't work after February, please use my mirror site in Ireland (and bookmark it now). Also, I have a "permanent" e-mail address for emergencies, if aman@sonic.net shouldn't work: reinhold_aman@hotmail.com.

  • In case you're wondering: Yes!, you can actually buy the books and stuff listed on the Order Form. Now that you know for sure, whip out your wallet and buy something! The more books you buy, the fewer I'll have to move and store. You don't want me to die of a heart attack carrying all those heavy boxes of books, do you? Okay, then buy some already! :-)


18 March 2001
  • No news -- good or bad -- about my housing situation. Until the shysters have found every heir and the real-estate vultures descend on this house, I can stay, probably two more months. But finding a new place is urgent, and saving the lives of my cats even more so.

  • My subtle appeal above to buy some books stirred exactly two (2) decent people into action, and I'm grateful for their orders. Does anyone have a suggestion of how to get the zillions of Internet freeloaders & cheapskates & penny pinchers to buy a book or two, short of grabbing them by the balls and twisting them till they part with $15 or $20?

  • The well-known and beloved Dutch journalist and author Liesbeth Koenen just published a heartwarming report about my current caca in the prestigious Dutch daily NRC Handelsblad.


2 May 2001
  • Still no good news about my housing situation. I can stay two more months, May and June.

  • Added a short German review of Hillary Clinton's Pen Pal from Hanf! magazine.

  • Thanks to a generous friend, my e-mail address <aman@sonic.net> and my Sonic URL will be valid through January 2002.

  • Just for the hell of it, I added three pix to the Web site. The first is with my friend George Carlin in 1986, the second with my daughter Susan at her wedding at Lake Tahoe in June 1995, and the third shows Uncle Mal picking a Chinese dragon's nose in March 2001.

  • Please note new lower price of six books as of today. C'mon, freeloaders, buy some!


1 July 2001
  • Still no good news about my housing situation. Because of bickering among the heirs, I can stay here another month, July, then I gotta hit the road. But where to?

  • For your amusement, I've added a cartoon now circulating on the Net. It was published in Maledicta years ago: the horny caterpillar.


2 August 2001
  • No news, but still alive.


7 September 2001
  • Finally good news! On September 15, my cats and I will be moving to a rural house in Cotati, a hicktown 7 miles south of Santa Rosa named after an Indian chief. Maledicta's mailing address, URL, and e-mail will remain the same.


14 October 2001
  • The move to my new place went well. We're back in business. Lots of books for sale!


The next page of Updates from January 2002 to December 2004 are here.

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