Erudite Ex-Convict Writes
Prison Slang Dictionary for First Lady

Mug ShotDr. Reinhold Aman, an ex-federal prisoner and former professor of philology and medieval literature, just published Hillary Clinton's Pen Pal: A Guide to Life and Lingo in Federal Prison for our First Lady, as a helpful pal preparing her for life in the penitentiary.

   In addition to an encyclopedic glossary of prison life and language, Aman offers Ms. Clinton "Basic Survival Techniques" -- all the DOs and DON'Ts she may need to survive in prison.

   Witty, honest and sarcastic in his definitions of words, people and situations Hillary Clinton may encounter in prison, the author also scathingly denounces lawyers, the Department of Justice and the U.S. Bureau of Prisons -- Janet Reno's "cruel netherworld."

   Aman also urgently pleads for swift prison reforms for the sake of the tens of thousands of harmless and innocent prisoners and their suffering families and children, to whom he dedicates his book.

   The author used his time in federal prison to learn the mores, rituals, life and lingo of his fellow prisoners and vowed to prepare a survival guide for those who go to prison for the first time.

   During his pretrial period in 1993, he spent seven months under house arrest, electronically monitored like a rogue elephant or potential mass murderer, with a black box strapped to his left ankle. All that -- and almost 16 months in federal prisons -- merely for mailing two prank postcards to his ex-wife Shirley Beischel and the pamphlet "Legal Slimebags of Wisconsin" to family-court judge Marianne "Peckerhead" Becker and other "honorable" black-robed swine.

   In October 1993, one month after undergoing an angioplasty, he was imprisoned at the ominously-named FCI Terminal Island -- his first major contact with prisoners who taught him everything from counterfeiting and bank robbing to producing illegal drugs and how to kill with one finger.

   He gained his indispensable experience (now shared with Hillary Clinton and others who are about to go to prison) while incarcerated in the Sonoma County Jail (Santa Rosa), Federal Building, maximum-security cell (San Francisco), Alameda County Jail, maximum-security wing (Santa Rita), Federal Correctional Institution, medium-security cell (Terminal Island), Federal Prison Camp (Lompoc), Federal Prison Camp (Dublin), and the federal halfway house (San Francisco).

   After Aman's release from prison in February 1995, wonderful Federal Chief Justice Joseph Scatmüller put him on a severely restrictive three-year probation until March 3, 1998, as jolly good felon Aman showed no remorse for his "crimes."

   The FBI, the U.S. Department of Injustice, and the Federal Bureau of Prisons all consider ex-convict Dr. Aman extremely dangerous because he is armed with brains, honesty, and guts.


Reviews and Comments by Readers

"Reinhold Aman's latest and hottest contribution to the study of contemporary speech is Hillary Clinton's Pen Pal, a brilliant combination of lexicography and satire in the manner of Ambrose Bierce. The book defines a wide range of words and phrases currently used in our federal prison system, while at the same time suggesting that our lying First Lady will soon need to learn them. But it is more than just a send-up of the mendacious Clintons. Aman's book is also a terrifying exposé of the senseless cruelties of the Federal Bureau of Prisons, as well as of a U.S. Department of Justice that grows increasingly insatiable and indiscriminate in its lust for convictions, property confiscation, and slave labor."   -- Dr. Joseph S. Salemi, Professor of Humanities and Classics

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"You are as eloquent and unorthodox a spokesman for sanity in the prison system as I have seen and, to top things off, you refuse to be ignored."     -- James A., Scientist

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"Your Pen Pal is truly a job well done. It does a beautiful job of providing a sense of what it is like on the inside, while poking repeated jibes at a well-deserving target. It is not only good sociology and linguistics, it's artistic!"   -- Colyn P., Linguist

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"I devoured it in one reading. Via a systematic visit to the slammer within the confines of language, this is a real tour guide. The only difference is that the reader doesn't have to barter with the natives and is free after closing the book. Thank God on both counts. With each word, you can almost hear the clang of lock-up. Don't be misled by the pink cover: this is a very important work."   -- Bruce R., Lexicographer

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"A beautiful job of bookmaking as well as of writing."    -- Osmond B., Publisher and Writer

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"I was in some legal trouble earlier this year [2001] and, though things have sorted themselves out now, at the time I was very concerned about spending a future locked up. Hillary Clinton's Pen Pal was easily the best (in terms of most practical, and most down-to-earth, free of academese) book of the many I acquired or perused in attempt to prepare myself for the possibility ... of doing time." -- B. K. (affiliated with the court system)

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"Listen to Dr. Reinhold Aman, in his book Hillary Clinton's Pen Pal, who turns his federal-prison bitterness into some of the sharpest-humored words ever written about incarceration."   -- Claire Wolfe in "Welcome to Future Felons of America."

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"A unique and powerful book!"   -- Dr. J. Kennedy, Professor of English

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"The tone of Aman's book is supremely sarcastic and brimming with rage. A section titled 'Basic Survival Techniques' is a depiction of prison life so demeaning and terrifying that it would sway all but the most ardent believers in 'country-club' prisons. On a less satiric note, the book also contains an impassioned letter to Janet Reno. It's tough reading, but often hilarious in its bitter insights."   -- David Hawley, St. Paul Pioneer Press (Knight-Ridder Newspapers). May 30, 1996, front page.

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This Title Demands to be Read!
Amazon.com Reviewer: Keith Kimmel from Niles, Michigan, USA
December 16, 2001

"Maledicta has turned out a winner with this one, providing valuable inside information on exactly how to survive in prison, play the politics and even make money on the inside. Included in this publication of valuable inside information, how to deal with other cons, avoid some of the perils of prison life such as blanket parties, rape and the ultimate punishment: murder.
   The book also explains how to curry favors from guards, inmates and others to make prison life more bearable. Additionally, this title includes an extensive slang dictionary, as well as a guide on how to gain respect, purchase protection and other necessities.
   Written by a role-playing author who takes the mindset of writing a prison handbook for First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, there are many humorous references to the first lady. Think you can't be raped? Guess again. Prison rape never is a nice, clean subject... but you can avoid becoming another victim if you know how to protect yourself.
   Not only is this book an informative guide for the new inmate, but it is also yet another critically-acclaimed look at how the BOP (Bureau of Prisons) has failed to make prisons safe places where rehabilitation is carried out, but it is also an entertaining book as well.
   Written by Ex-Federal Prisoner Reinhold Aman, this book should be high on the list of those who want to be in the know about the inner workings of the US Prison System and its many atrocities. While The U.S. Government claims that prisons are improving, the very fact that someone would need a book like this to increase his or her odds of survival from "slim to none" to "above average" demonstrates the degree of failure to which the system has failed to police itself and reform from within.
   Costing billions of taxpayer dollars every year, prisons and their conditions are not just the problem of the inmates, it's everyone's problem. Prisons appear to have a habit of attracting long-time residents instead of short-term guests, rehabilitation is obviously a fantasy of The BOP, as opposed to a reality, and what's more, the inmates seem to like it that way.
   If you want to see where your hard-earned dollars are going, or you are going to prison, don't miss this book."

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An excellent review in German appeared in Hanf! magazine, archived here.

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A glossary of prison slang and mores, combined with rants
Amazon.com Reviewer: Eric Oppen, from Iowa, USA
June 9, 1998

"I do not know what happened to cause Dr. Aman's imprisonment, but if one-half of his own story on the subject is true, his bitterness and anger at the system is more than justified. However, you can take the scholar out of the cloisters, but never the scholar's instincts out of the scholar. While incarcerated, Dr. Aman put his time to use observing his fellow convicts' mores, folkways, and slang, and he now shares the fruits of his researches with us. Dr. Aman is, to say the least, extremely unhappy about his imprisonment, which he sees as totally unjustified and excessive, and caused by malice directed toward him by a Wisconsin judge.
   As I've said, I do not know what the real story is, or what the other side would have to say for themselves...but, reading this, I pray that his anger is never turned toward me, for he is probably the ranking expert on "maledicta," or swearing and bad language, and could crisp me to a crackly crunch. Much of the book is in the form of a gossipy letter [Totally wrong! - R.A.] to Hillary Clinton, First Co-Conspirator, since Aman apparently believes that she'll soon be experiencing more-or-less what he went through. Speed the day!"

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